A Travellerspoint blog

4. Fear GRRR lol

I think for me the planning part of this event has been more than overwhelming, and the sad thing is that I feel like time will fly by when I'm actually there. I've been listening to my favourite song Flightless bird American mouth- by Iron and Wine , on repeat for the last 3 days. No matter what your interpretation of this song, whether its a love song, a song about capitalism, or whether its just the loss of innocence it makes me feel less overwhelmed when I listen to it. Theres so much beauty out there and I am more than ready to see it. I noticed that there have been a couple people msging me to find out about the program I am doing because they are considering going as well. And it made me realize that I was in their position a couple weeks ago ( well i still am). So i've realized that fear should never stop you. I feel like I am being a little over dramatic about this whole traveling thing, and I am happy that I'm realizing the flaws that i have in my personality and that have held me back for so long. So this is just a quick little entry to remind me that fear shouldn't stop you! ...me lol

Posted by Ofie 09:58 Comments (0)

3. Countdown

Ready to Go

It's a weird thing to be so close to leaving. I realize that all this worry , all this planning will just be a memory some day I can look back on and wonder " what the heck were you so worried about" . I've come to a point where i need to take a good hard look at myself and ask myself what i am so afraid of , what is the worst thing that can happen to you?

And I find it so weird the things I have realized about myself.....

First of all , nothing is really as bad as it seems. All things in time pass and it takes those hard , awkward feelings, including lots of anxiety and stress to make you realize that life is not so scary. Yes yes, seems as if i had had some euphoric break through and maybe i have because since i've broke up from a 5 year relationship almost 8 months ago i feel that this is the first time ive taken control of myself to start to have real feelings. Yesterday ... for no apparent reason i broke down into the ugly cry lol . There were no sad songs playing, no memories that poped up into my head, no old love letter or photos that I glanced at... it was a simple phrase that came to mind and it said " Otilia I am proud of you". yes i seem to have started talking to myself, but it's so nice to hear myself again. Someone who i seemed to have lost while pouring my life into a 5 year relationship, being the family peace keeper and taking care of everyone else ... while forgetting myself along the way. And finally i feel like i am getting myself back and it feels amazing, to hear my old happy voice back. To not have to look to others to find worth in myself is the thing i was looking for (although i didnt realize how much and for how long i've done this).

I've also realized what amazing people i have in my life. Those who have encouraged me , who have stepped into my life and pushed me to do things that would reveal a side of me i needed to find but didnt know. I truly thank these people and will do everything i can to keep them in my life for as long as possible.

So as much as this is about traveling, i think it's more so about the things i am learning,. In other words, its not the experience of being there but the path to getting there, to wanting to be there... and discovering that i will be okay because i am my own best friend.

Anyways this has turned into a therapy session, but hey its my breakthrough and i am going to take advantage of it ! lol
xo

Posted by Ofie 08:41 Comments (0)

2. Freaking out.... is normal? and advice please :)

things are coming together and making it scarier...

So preety much what i was scared of is happening.... that i am unable to make concrete decisions..
so far i have booked a trip to Thailand for a month and a week, and i wanted to sync this with another program
that goes from bangkok-cambodia and finishes in vietnam....

however i am completely frozen with fear that i will...
get scammed while taking a taxi alone
get lost
not find the next tour group
get bitten by a masquito with malaria
get home sick
get kidnapped
lose money
........
ugh can i come up with anymore excuses?

I wish i had the confidence you all have, it's so incredibly inspiring but at the same time depressing that i myself
cannot have the same courage and confidence. I wish i was going with someone, i wish i had some peace of mind.

Should i stick to going to thailand for a month and a week? or should i go for it and add on cambodia and vietnam ? here is my thinking.. I AM ALREADY THERE, why not go all the way and really travel
here is my con: i have to go through getting 3 different visas, more money, more things to worry about............

I seriously can not wait to come back lol, and to read this and say to myself "what were you so worried about! this was a life changing experience" ... but until then i am completely almost terrified :( ...

- ofie

Posted by Ofie 23:50 Comments (0)

1. Where to Start

[[Follow your heart and you won't get lost....]]

HEy!

I've thought about doing this for too long to pass up the opportunity to go. And I guess thats what I need to do is just go. I'm 23 years old, just graduated university and before I go ahead and apply to law school I need a break, or else I know I will regret it. What I would love to do more than anything is the Round The World trip, but I am so scared to go alone. I know so many people who go with their boyfirend, girlfriend, or just friends. And me ... well I will be going alone. I have so many questions, and I just wish I knew one other person going. I might just stick to one country and do a volunteer program... hmm so much to think about.

I would love to see:
Australia
Nepal
Cambodia
Thailand
Peru
Prague
China

There are two main problems for me.... where to go and going alone. I hate being alone , but maybe this is just what this trip will teach me. I'm so excited to go out on this adventure!!! Now I just have to set a date and book it!

- O July 11, 2010

Posted by Ofie 11:08 Comments (2)

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